“I know no one will ever love me the way you do. No one will ever give me life the way you do. Sure, some nurse or doctor may keep me alive after totaling my car, but that’s extending my life. It’s far from giving me life. Only you know what that means, I hope. I don’t think you do. I might’ve tainted that.
Anyways, I have realized that the most loving thing you can do for someone is give them life. Think about it.
You literally molded me. If I flourish into anything good, I blame you. I’ve always chosen the worst of me. Call it self defense. Maybe I wanted to be the worst so no one could shame me for being me: the worst. It used to be what I chose. Am I the best to/for you now? I try my best. It’s your life. Only you can decide. You would say I was the best. I’ve always told you ‘I’m the worst.’ You decide.
Do I ever give you life? Did I ever give you life? Will I ever give you life? I can only hope so. Or do I only kill you softly? You’ve proven that only you can keep yourself alive and thriving plenty of times in the past. I admire you for that. I’ve always been superfluous to your survival. So what am I here for?.. I ponder yonder and yonder, but it’s always a squander… the answer never left your sealed lips, so I remain in oblivion.
The only fact I’m sure of, is that you’re my life-source. Only you. And I, my greatest adversary.
I haven’t heard from you since you left. So at times now, I often like to torture myself by listening to Jorja Smith in this order: ‘something in the way,’ ‘teenage fantasy,’ ‘where did I go,’ her acoustic version of ‘on my mind,’ and lastly ‘let me down’ to shatter my soul into a million pieces all over again.
Afterwards, I let Phantogram’s songs heal me ‘when I’m small’ and helpless at night ‘howling at the moon.’ I ‘fall in love’ again with ‘my only friend’ even after imagining her sour feelings towards me.
Hopefully it’s just Jorja Smith who feels that sour. It was fathomable to upset you when miles separated us. I knew you’d always heal what I hurt. I knew you’d keep enjoying French fries regardless of how much I proved to dislike them. In person, it was impossible. I’m not evil. I couldn’t help showing how weak I am for you. No matter what you did, my love remained unconditional and everlasting. That’s why I returned with fries every time you desired them, I knew they were essential to your survival whether I liked them or not. So I enjoyed them with you instead. Even when they were cold and soggy, they were delichus with you c: It was only easy to stay unfazed about things when you were on the other side of the screen. I never desired to break you. Only make you. Make you better at that. Now, it’s taboo and forsaken for me to do anything that upset you. Now, I enjoy every fry to the very last one. I realize how ugly and stupid I was to have ever disliked them.
I still remember when you ate my heart with your strawberry lips, ‘you’re the only thing I have left, Sway.’ My soul shattered. Me? The worst? Who was she talking about? I knew then and there that something was wrong. I used to be worthless. Now I’m expensive, so who was she talking to back then? I was never imperative to her, so if I was all she had left, she must’ve been shattered as well. No one else to blame aside from me. I couldn’t handle being what I never was; essential.
I hope I am still real to you, not just ‘pure imagination’ – Fiona Apple
To have any other woman’s approval is meaningless, ‘they cum, they go’ – Tommy Genesis.
But to have your approval has to be a blessing, maybe we were meant to be, or maybe I’m just ‘lucky.’ -Tommy Genesis.
Only the best deserve the approval of The One with ‘hair like water, wavy like the sea.’ -Tommy Genesis.
It’s finally my turn to say ‘I try.'” – Sway
I don’t know a single man who has ever cried over a woman. Especially not over me. Not even my fiancé.
I’ve heard Sway listen to “Tommy” by Tommy Genesis and it makes me think of his wife. Like damn, Tommy. Teach me your ways.
Calor212 or 212Calor is coming sooner than later. I’ve seen those usernames used here and there. So if it’s not taken, I will make this website the first 212calor212. I haven’t seen that one anywhere. Seems nice.