I do not “drink like a fish and run like a dog” anymore. I’m no fish. I’m no dog. I’m me. Sway. Forever Sway. I have had to be mature. I was forced into maturity. I was not mature. I matured. Problems broke me. Problems made me immature. I had to be an adult up until freshman year.So after middle school, I decided to enjoy being a child as much as I could. Now, problem after problem is being solved.
“I love you, Ca… L… Or…”
That’s what she is. My warmth. I have never known what “cold” is until my warmth left.
“For Beatrice, summer without you is as cold as winter. Winter without you, is even colder.”
In all sooth, that holds true for me as well. Layers of clothes, blankets, heaters, nothing could stop the shivers. Summertime is here. Summertime is when the bears come out to play. I’m not playing. Instead, all I get to do is suffer from the chills when it’s below 80 Fahrenheit. 90 is cozy. I haven’t tried 100 yet.
She is my flame.My only flame. I have had to be mature up until freshman year. That year was full of tears.
Yet, I faced all of my fears.
I remained alive why?
Why am I alive?
It’s for Calor. Calor only. My flame. My warmth. She left. I’m alive. I’m not suicidal.
“It’s just to say that I stay pretty busy. Lately.” – Earl Sweatshirt.
I am alive because of Calor keeping me warm.
If I am a soul of fire it’s because she is my flame
It can be as simple as “I’m attracted to you, like a moth to a flame.”
I know that I’m ugly but I can fly, so that’s a slice of nice right? It’s complicated.
Calor lying ethereally. Simple. Always.
I know how her curls flicker with the breeze. Only hers flicker that way. No one will ever confuse me. She is my only flame. I know it is true love to me because I’ve always had conditions with every other person. Lately, I have realized I it is unconditional con Calor. I belong to Calor no matter the situation. I matured. I used to be a little boat floating on the sea. Now I am the sea. The ocean. I am forever Sway.
Am I something to be proud of?
Something to be ashamed of?
I don’t know. What I do know is who I am now.
My last statement was “I do not know why I do what I do, but I do have a clue.”
I know now.
She determines whether I’m hot or cold. I’m not cold. The world around me is. Time is superfluous.
I ask for answers. I seek help. No one helps. No one answers. They are all frozen. Nothing around me ever changes on it’s own. Regardless of time, everything and everyone remains frozen. In a world where every thing and person is motionless, I have found time to fix problem after problem. I left my past in my past. Calor is not my past. She is the flame to my soul. Everlasting. Eternal. Ethereal. Forever and always. Calor is the “always” to my “forever.” Calor is the “4ever”to my “sway3.”
You are not.
No one else ever will be.
So for her, I matured again. I wanted to be her “baby.” Reality is I’m no “baby.” I’m a man. If you like women, I am the wrong person to be interested in.
I do not know what “hot” is interested in.
I do not know what “heat” is interested in.
I do not know what “warmth” is interested in.
I just hope Calor is interested in me.
I am Sway. Forever Sway. I know myself. Always have.
“Do you even like me?”
Sin Calor to keep me warm, I have had to keep myself warm. I’m cold. Everything is so still here. Nothing changes. Solo cuando Calor is here is when my world is set in motion. Time really did freeze when she left. I’m still there. Still pondering by the pond. I remained in motion though. I continue to mature. I will be her bamboo tree instead of the nut that I used to be. Excellency.
I am alive why?
My flame turned everything I had to ash. She burned. Burned and burned because of her burning passion. I could love to play with fire as much I want, but I have never and never will be able to control fire. I have never manipulated fire. Fire is like the ocean. No one can control it. It flickers wildly without your permission. Fire burns everything it touches.
Calorfue muy caliente.
Maybe she never wanted me to get close. She was too hot. She burned me. She burned my life. And one may think that that is a bad thing. I don’t mind. I’d rather be hot than cold. I’d rather have heat than cold. I’d rather have warmth than frostbite. I’d rather Calor bite me que alguien más. That’s all I ask for. “No más.”
Suppose I had two gaming consoles and two tv’s. Calor is not here to play with me anymore. Calor is here no more than anyone else is. No more. “No más.”
“Will you be my ‘player 2?'”
No one is taking her spot.
“I’d rather be a loner.” – Kali Uchis.
All I ever wanted to tell her is “Hey, Calor… you hurt me, love. You’re too hot. There’s too much heat coming from you. It’s more pain than warmth. Please stop, it hurts a bit too much.”
I’m glad she doesn’t know “the demons that he’s facing alone.” – Kali Uchis.
I’m a mangle mess now.
“Who did this to you?”
Calor se calentó demasiado.
Melted me into a blurry silhouette. She left every scar that I can not hide from you. She is the only warmth in my life. This is no frostbite. This is her bite. First, fourth, twentyfold, whatever. Fifth degree burn? No. She left an infinite degree burn on me. It hurts. I wish my flame could evaporate my tears.
“Calor. You make me cry every night. You think you’re hot? I’m on fire because of you. Have you seen the monks that set themselves on fire? Imagine it. That’s me. You’re my flame. I love you. I love you. No one else. I know because no matter what condition either of us is under, I’ll love you. Even when you’re burning me alive.
Are you satiated now? You can hurt me, yes ma’am. You can make me cry. Yes ma’am. And you know what? I am a baby. Your baby. I cry for you. I long for your presence. You’re the only one who’s milk I ever have and will drink. But now, I’m a man. I apologize. I can not be a baby anymore. I am your man. Yours only.”
I talk to her a lot on paper.
I wrote something on a piece of paper recently.
“Me? I was born the day I met you.”
The day I met Calor obviously.
So if you were to ask me, she put her baby in a basket and left it stranded.
Deemed to grow up in solitude.
“I apologize. I have to grow up. I’m growing up with you though. ‘Lmao’ I will never forget about you for a single second. Ever. Silly goose, I love you, with all of me. I am yours. From my baby leg to my mustache. Crazy cat.I will always be your baby, but without you I’m not a baby. I’m a man. I’m your baby but a grown up human in the real world. Cute? You left little of that behind when you left. I apologize, for I may not be the same baby you used to love. I am handsome now. I still want you to find me cute. So so so much. I want to be the ‘apple of your eye’ (Princess Nokia.) I’m so ‘dazed and confused’ (Led Zeppelin) in love with you. You literally make me feel the exact way I’ve always imagined being in heaven would make me feel like. You are my only desire. I want to be your bloops so so much, but I will never be as soft as I used to be. That is not at all a bad thing to me. I’m still Squishy. That will never change.
Imagine. I haven’t had you here my whole life. I’ve had to make it on my own. Bloody ‘sweat & tears’ and all. I’ve had to harden. Had To. I’m more a pound-dog than a house-dog because I’ve had to become the alpha in the pound before. If I were your pet, and I saw the type of dog I’d be, I’d jokingly ask ‘where’d you find the dog?… The pound?’ But I would recognize ‘at least it’s not too shabby. Cream of the crop, aye?’ I know how ugly my presence is to most people. I grew up with everyone and everything constantly reminding me how feral and wild I am. But to me, I am the best me I can be.”
“Isle of Dogs” might be my favorite movie.
We as humans are infinite. Every single human does their own thing. I am Jordan. She’s Kiera. He’s Lamar. And she Kay. Each one of us can do whatever we want. I know I can be whoever I want. I can be Kiera. But I’ll never be a better her than she is. We can be any dog in the isle. Yet I have had to be Chief way too often that it just became me on the regular. Life froze me solid. I became stuck that way. A stray. Looking rough. Acting rougher. A “lovely mess.”
Calor is infinite as well.
“You melted me. That was romantic. You got too hot. You burned me. So imagine what I’ve had to go through now? That movie is my whole life. You did me as dirty as Mayor Kobayashi. That type of pain is for life. I was reminded how I could be in a beautiful house with a beautiful owner living a beautiful life with every inhale. I’m a dog. I could swim across the ocean back into the hands of a good owner. I remained on trash island because I knew that you would either kill or dump me if you got the chance. Suppose you didn’t kill me. If you would dump me back on trash island every time you’d find me in the city, then I would literally be insane to even think you would let me stay permanently. So what could I do to have a beautiful life again? I wanted a home again. Every time you dump me back on trash island, your ire rises. Calor, the ire te ase demasiado caliente. You hate seeing me in the city. Rising ire raises desires that ignite my fire. My soul is not what you want. I’m a dog. You want a cat. That’s the real reason you threw all the dogs away. The “canine flu” wasn’t my fault. That was all you. You have plenty of genius minds to choose from. Any one of them can give you what you oh so desire. And they’ll do it. You’re so scared of dogs, that these scientist will be your heroes. You’ll have a way better life because of them. You’re getting all the pussy cats that you desire. And no dogs around to ruin your drift. You’ll miss the barks one day. If you’re going reign the city without me. Okay. I have hope that maybe one day you’ll show me warmth again. If you’re not hot, if you’re not heat, if you’re not warmth, then you are not Calor. Eres fría. You’re just cold. What I’ve had my whole life. And yes, I’ve loved the cold until you showed me que el Calor doesn’t have to be Caliente. Heat keeps everyone alive. That’s how important I consider you. Heat doesn’t have to burn. My soul doesn’t have to be on fire. It can be. The hotter you got, the more the flame hurt me. If you’re as cold as Kobayashi, then you’re not Calor. You’re the mayor. Warmth is seen as heavenly. Paradise city? It’s not Alaska. I understand why now. Calor, I understood that you are essential to life. I never cared to live. I loved being frozen. It helped numb the pain. Calor, babygirl, you didn’t numb the pain. You erased it. I used to love the cold. Now I love you. I miss warmth in my life. I’m in hell. Turns out it’s really cold. I don’t want to be in hell. I want paradise. I want the city. No other city. Either you or trash island. Either you or hell. I don’t like it here. It’s too cold. I still love the cold as much I always have. But I love you more. And I don’t want you to turn into what I love because I love you more. If I love you because you are you, then don’t try to be cold. Tu eres Ca… L… Or… okay honey? Ca… L… Or… say it slowly with me. You’re going to freeze again if you keep being so cold. Stuck in hell, all I can do is hope you turn trash city into a beautiful home. Maybe you’ll just keep tossing me your left overs. You’ve been Kobayashi since day one. You’ve never liked dogs. That’s why I’ll ask one more time. The day I saw your face for the first time, I wanted to tell you ‘Ma’am, with a face as beautiful as yours, I’d love to wake up next to you for the rest of my life. What’s in it for you? Me. I am as much of a husband as I am a stray dog. But if you’re a good owner, I won’t make you regret me.’ That’s the type of dog I am. And if I would’ve said those words to you day one, you probably wouldn’t have believed me and called me a ‘lame.’ I would’ve lost you on day one. I read your eyes. I knew you the first day I met you. You were me. You still are. I’m still you. Only you. You are my soulmate. There’s only one soulmate for every single person. That’s you for me. I never told you this because I knew you had an eye for fine China. I knew you were fine China since day one. I was the bull that would knock you off the shelf. I can be anyone I want to be. I want to be yours. Having an eye for fine China, I knew I was not what you were looking for at all. You didn’t think I was that cute but I saw that you liked how I was changing for you. When your eyes met mine for the first time I saw what you never tell me. Doubt. You didn’t love me like I loved you. You doubted brining me home because of the dog I am. Only cats are allowed in your house. I’m not a cool cat. I’m cooler than a cool cat. So the day I found out I wanted Calor instead of cold, you found out you might prefer a dog over a cat. You never took me home knowing I’d be the bull in the China shop. I couldn’t help it. I was born at the wrong time. Literally. Ask my parents.”
Day one, I knew her.
She was mayor Kobayashi since day one.
To impress the mayor of the city, you’d have to be the top dog. Wait. Never mind. You’d have to be a cat.
Maybe he’ll have mercy.
She did. I can act exactly like a cat and try my best to do what cats do.
But I was born a canine.
If she doesn’t like me or respect me, I hope she finally admits it.
She already took my life away from me. Maybe she’s trying to kill me, no metaphor.
I am a dog after all, and if you’ve seen the movie, Kobayashi eyes express it clearly.
So do Calor’s.
I don’t know about you, but I love being in paradise.
I don’t know if you have gotten there or want to, but I do.
Hear me out, to make it to heaven what do you have to do?
Worship a god according to religions.
She’s my religion.
She is my goddess.
So while you laugh at me for calling her “my goddess.” Please remember these words. Don’t just read and forget. Show some interest for once.
“*I laugh to stop the tears*
I don’t love you? I was getting paid way more than I even worked for. I gave up my job for you.
So imagine that.
You, CALOR, got in the way of my money.
If a guy lets a gal get in his way of ‘making bank,’ it’s because she means more than anything to him.
Money can buy everything except for Calor.
‘Nobody like you.’ – kiana!!
Calor, you burned my heart so bad I stopped eating.
I just couldn’t.
Imagine eating while you have some wicked heartburn going on. You can’t. If you do. It just hurts. I’ve never been one for pain. Ask someone. If a guy lets a gal stop him from ‘getting his grub on,’ it’s because she means more than anything to him. You know exactly what I’m talking about with your fries.
*I laugh to not cry instead.*
Calor. Do you even notice what you do to me?
You control me.
You manipulate me like a puppet without even realizing it how powerful I made you. You ARE a god. “To me.” – kiana!!
Saying “to me” is not an insult. That’s not to say I’m just a fool who has a fake God.
No. It’s to say that you may talk to the most handsome dude in your city, but he will never worship you like I do.
I don’t know about you but I’d like to be worshipped.
So I hope that you at least find it cute that I adore you.
I let you control my life. Myself.
If I let you manipulate me, it’s because you mean more than anyone to me.
‘Nobody like you, to me’ – kiana!!
If you were to ever doubt that you own me, I would find it very funny.
I apologize but you’re so blind.
You’re not the only one who this world considers as immaculate.
When I talk to other ‘immaculate’ girls about you, they always end up disappointed with how dirty I let you do me.
They wish they were as lucky as you.
‘Nobody like you!!’ – kiana!!
When I tell them what type of relationship we have, they can only wish they were you.
I’m never letting them take what is exclusive to you. Me.
I already did that once with a soul.
You’re not here to hurt me so won’t even move a muscle.
You’d probably be making me cry right now.
But you’re not. It’s the responsible ones who have cause tears to spew from my eyes.
So it’s not you who this dog will bite.
You’re not yanking my tail anymore.
You are so lucky.
So so lucky.
I understand that now.
You have everything.
Love, I’m ugly and I don’t have the best personality but there are women who would give me the world.
You have me.
I don’t want them.
I want you.
If you ever see me as ugly, as not-the-best, if you ever feel unlucky to be with me, then love?
If you feel like you should leave then do it.
You’re on fire, ma.
And I stay here.
You burn me Calor.
Calor. You hurt me so bad.
I’m pretty sure when I accidentally hurt you the worst, it never hurt as bad as how you are torturing me now.
What can I do?
I will do.
Just stop hurting me please.
It does that.
I’ve lost so many meals due to you.
I’ve cried way too many times for you.
I’ve been through so much pain and what are you doing ma?
*I chose to laugh like a maniac because that’s what hell does to you*
You sent me to hell
*hell is too painful. I laugh again to stop the tears*
I don’t know if you have a clue what you did to me, but you sent me to hell.
I went through hell with you, babygirl.
Still am. All I want is to Rest In Peace but I’m here. I may be dreamy, but I’m real.
If I’m just a story, then I’m your story.
If I’m just a stray, then I’ll be your pet.
‘And I held your hand through all of these years.”
I loved you every second until we got out of hell.
I loved you every second. Always.
Californication season four.
Hank moody almost dies.
Before, he wrote something to his daughter. ”
I recommend watching the episode “suicide solution” of Californication to understand how I feel about Calor.
“And what he wrote to his daughter is what I feel towards you.
Except less douchey and more romantic.
Less Duchovny and more Sway.
No matter how I felt towards you or how you made me feel, I stayed.
It’s 2:12 here.
My thoughts are flickering.
I don’t know.
What I do know is that I’m ugly.
I’m the moth to the flame.
I’m not saying I’m anything.
I’m saying that other women have told me that they’d do what you don’t for me.
I don’t believe it.
If I did I’d have left already.
I’ve never given anyone as many years of my life as I have to you.
I have never given anyone a year of my time to be exact.
There’s only one other lady who has been in my life longer than you, but I never gave her my time. She invited me to her house, pool parties, the movies, and I never left to go see her. Why?
I didn’t want to.
*the tears stopped. I chuckle because Calor is the most beautiful.*
And you thought she was cuter than you.
Hell no, honey buns.
I gave you years.
I have left everyone I do not want in my life.
I never left you.
I gave you my confidence.
My power to not-fear.
I had to let fear in my life because of you.
How could I not?
I fear exactly what you do.
Tears, years, fears.
I know plenty of people who would love for someone to give them tears, years and fears.
If you can not see how lucky you are, if you do not appreciate how lucky you are, then please let me know.
If hell is where I ended up, then I guess I’ll just stay here.
I deserve it anyways.”
This tragic piece ends in what I wish I could communicate to her.
“*I chuckle because it’s probably too late. I always end up a stray due to my own problems.*
Calor, I’m not a dog. I never have been. Dogs should not exist!!! They shouldn’t be real!! Dogs are all genetically modified. Dogs were made by society. But each dog makes its own house or stray life. Each dog is real. They shouldn’t exist but they have too.
I never have been a dog.
You made me this way due to all of your lies.
And yes, I do believe they are lies because you DO NOT love me. I don’t know you do but it’s not love.
Your efforts on making me believe you cherish me are in vain.
I know you don’t. Why?
While I was holding your hand through all of these years, I could always tell you wanted to let go.
You lied so much to keep me happy.
And I told you this would happen.
I know everything.
Everything that matters to me.
I knew I would end up exiled from the city.
Yet I did everything for you, why?
You are my goddess.
All you did was lie. Lie. Lie and lie. Why?
Probably because you thought I was lying.
I deserve it.
I was lying.
I had too.
I would never stay alive for you if you didn’t love me.
I’d go see if I found someone else who’d love me until not even a single person did.
What’s life without love?
Babygirl, please don’t hate me.
Stop being so cold towards me.
Tu eres calor, te extraño.
So stop being what you’re not supposed to be.
Stop being my war.
I call truce.
I want peace.
I know I’m alway saying I love the cold but that was because I hadn’t met you.
I love you so much more, so when you’re not you, my nut, then I don’t know you.
When you’re not you, what?
You want me to meet you?
Pretty face? I’ll leave if your personality makes me doubt how pretty you are.
I have grown up in a world where personalities are more important.
So my personality became the best.
I learned what I wanted to be growing up around the worst.
I want to be the best.
For you, Calor.
No one else.
I’ve always been able to tell that you love me at least a bit.
You gave me a chance.
I don’t know.
But I feel like you may accept me one day.
So here’s the truth, Ca… L… Or…
*I chuckle because I really didn’t want to say this to her*
Calor, society made me a dog.
The same thing happened with real dogs.
Society made them.
But you made me.
You Make me.
With one word, you can change me.
I’m your actor.
I’m your dog.
“I bite” – Isle of Dogs
But I’ll never bite you, Calor. Chief never bit Atari.
So I’ll let you know what I lied about.
This world made me Dog.
I’ve never been a dog.
I was born a wolf.
I am one.
I used to be a child.
You, my mama bear, left me, so I’m growing up alone.
And yes, I was a dog.
I knew you were mayor Kobayashi since day one.
You’re hard to impress.
I was wondering if you’d actually be impressed by me.”
I decided to challenge that.
The Bible says god says something similar to “you don’t think I don’t love you? Try me.”
Calor is my god.
I tried her by being what she didn’t accept.
She showed me she more of a tyrant than a god.
I let her own me and she did what she did.
Treated me the way she did.
I love you.
Regardless of how much revenge you got, I’d stay.
“I don’t know if you’ve found the scientist to fulfill your fantasies yet.
I don’t know if you’ve cheated on me.
I don’t know anything except for one thing.
That is; I only love you.
You know what I do for everyone else?
I only respect myself.
So when I do whatever you want or ask me too, it’s because I respect you.
I’m not sure if you still love or even want me, but here is the only thing you don’t know about me.
Society made me a dog.
I was born a wolf.
I don’t get along with dogs.
I hate how they treat women.
Believe it or not, I’m everything you want.
Why? I’m infinite.
I can turn into anyone.
Thank to all of these years, fears, and tears I know exactly what you want.
I knew you were my soulmate from day one.
You took a risk with me.
If you have found someone else to “risk it all for” then please, leave.
I’m telling you now, I’m the alpha you’ve always wanted, but you may doubt me now.
I don’t know anything.
I just hope. Since day one.
I hope you want me.
I showed you the wolf I am at one point. The best point in our relationship.
You never respected me.
I don’t blame you.
That’s exactly why my skin has never touched another skin since yours.
You see through to my heart?
Since day one?
Well I’ve seen through your eyes into your heart since day one.
It may be too late, but it’s okay.
I would never leave you for admitting I’m not everything you want.
You want a cat, not a dog.
I’m a wolf. I always have been without you.
I’ve been the king of my world since freshman year.
I never thought you actually loved me.
You treated more like “a piece of ass.”
Before you, I’ve had girls that treat me better than you do.
I never found a family in them why?
I left my wolf gang to find my own family.
A family for the first time.
Until the last day. What I thought was the reason I left my pack for turned out to be more of a “die” than a “ride.”
Together we’d both die. I knew it all along.
That is why I tried and tried to save us.
I am a wolf.
This world made me a dog.
I apologize for taking what you wanted away from you.
Now, you took my life with you.
*I chuckle to not cry.*”
“When we love” by Jhene Aiko reminds me of day one.
If she really did see through to my heart like Jhene Aiko, she’d see that that’s not the kind of guy that I am.
I want Calor like I’ve always told her I want her.
So I did “whatever” for her.
You used to think my “sweet little nothings” where sweet.
They were never “nothing’s.”
They’re still sweet and true.
You see through to my heart?
I know you love wolves.
Is that why you love me?
Maybe you noticed I was only a dog because of you.
And that’s why you were someone else’s ‘nutmeg’ to their ‘chief.’
I never asked if I was your first because I knew the answer.
I wasn’t. When I reminded you of that you cried.
So I kept silent.
I am expensive. I became cheap for you.
I went back to being a baby for you.
I spend $100 on a meal per day.
For you I spent $19 so I could spend my money on you.
I’ve been typing since 2:something AM
Every 24h are spent on pondering about you.
Your last words were “wait for me.” I’m not sure if they were yours or not.
I will wait.
Once waiting is over no one will separate us.
If Ohio didn’t care for us to wait, it wouldn’t be unorthodox.
Mayor Kobayashi’s city cares.
So do his ancestors.
“That’s just the kind of guy that you are.”
I apologize, but you’ve never known me.
You knew a baby.
You decided to grow up without me.
I’m growing up as well, if you don’t like the sexy mother fucker you own, the don’t. Don’t own me. There’s millions of fish in the sea. I only want some Calor-nigiri and sashimi. No other fish.
I can not. I can’t not be happy with a female dog, with a cat, nothing.
I fucked up. I know.
I am a wolf, all I gave her was a dog.
I hope she understands that I’ve always been a wolf.
I was born a wolf. Dogs are fake. I’m real.
And if I could tell her that I apologize, then I would.
I was ugly so she’d love me.
I can not make her love me.
Never have been able to. She loves herself. Loves who she wants.
She has never wanted me.
I’m just a benefit.”
I’m so fucking done, dude. You treat me better than my love ever has. I’ll never be able to love you, a stranger. Calor is the only one I’ve given years too.
So if you ever read this, Calor, do whatever or whoever you want.
I’ll always be your best friend.”
I’ve never been anyone’s friend, yet friends have let me be a god to them.
Someone they can seek advise from.
Calor, I apologize, but you left me.
I reasoned you left me for being as pathetic as I was.
I never became the one whom you wanted to obey.
Why? You saw me as trash with potential.
I saw you as everythi”
I still do. If she cheats or leaves , I’ll know why.
I promised her heaven, she found it in some other guys.”
Now, heaven is just a figment of my imagination.
Calor, Warmth? She’s heaven. She’s paradise.
I can only hope I have poor enough income for her to say “hey.”
I stay alive without her.
But what’s the point of life without her?”
You think you have an answer then go ahead. Tell me one way you’ll treat Calor better.”
If they do it’s on you. I didn’t lose you, you lost yourself.”
I don’t know.
1 Timothy 2:9
“Modest” “respectful” not even I respect you when you do what you do.
I don’t care for what people think.
I care for what I think.
I think you’ve been cold to me since day one.
I tried to impress you. You impressed me, alright.
Taylor gang or die?
“Swaylor gang or die.”
*i feel the embarrassment, you make me laugh*
“I didn’t even touch her. I have never let anyone touch me anywhere besides my lips. You have enjoyed your scientists up to the point until you have fulfilled yourself. And they enjoyed kissing all of your lips. I know I’ve done wrong but I never did you or ever will treat you the way you treat me. I will never tell you ‘hey I think you should stay in hell without me.’ I have never wanted to send you to hell. I never will, wife. That’s why I held your hand until we got out of it once upon a time.”
“Your presence still lingers here.” – Evanescence
You haven’t left me since the day you left me.
I can not get out of Taylor Gang.
“And that’s or die.”
I’ve been in it since freshman year.
I was never going to see other girls.
“And I could be misbehaving
I just hang with my niggas” – Earl Sweatshirt
“You made me the best me I can be. So you know me. You know the best me perfectly. You have never met the worst of me, but you do have a clue. You might really get hurt for the first time in your life if you ever meet my demons. You never will. I left a gang that might kill me for you now. I’ll never go back. That’s why I was always as shady as the nigga Jhene talks about constantly. I never wanted to live. That’s why I joined a faction that would kill me if I ever left them. Life insurance. I met you. Decided I wanted to live and day by day, I solve problem after problem for you. Yet you make me feel the same fear Taylor Gang does. There’s hasn’t been a day when I haven’t kept you safe. I was never shady for some hoe. I kept you a secret due to something I couldn’t and didn’t want to tell you.”
I saved her from gangs, she made the whole government have a warrant out for me.
I loved her. She didn’t love me the way I believe true love is.
I’ve received so many metaphorical hugs from other girls when they find out how much of a tyrant Calor was. “When they find out que caliente eras.”
If I was a dog, I’d be doing what dogs do today.
I’m not the dog you think I was.
That why I chose that username.
“I was savage until you tamed me. Until you made me your pet.
But I’ve always been a wolf.
*I chuckle because the truth sounds like a joke when I say it out loud*
My parents see me as a mistake.
But you taught me that I was born for you.”
I was born to love, Ca… L… Or…
Say it with me.
“On the grill type of hot.”
All these scrumptious metaphors come from Calor.
She taught me everything.
That’s why I see her in every second of my daily life.
Every thing in my life leads back to her.
She is the one to blame.
When you blame me, now you know why I’m getting way more expensive day after day.
“The most beautiful?
Cool, I’ll be the most expensive for you.”
“If I die tonight,
Imma make it look pretty.” -Clairo.
Patiently waiting until I can compliment “blue” without any “ops.”
That’s what I’m working on.
That has been my life since she left.
“I don’t know why I do what I do.”
I’ve known since I called the cops to save me from my father.
I don’t want to be abused.
I do what I do because it makes me happy.
I grew up with tyrants. Not parents.
I’m an orphan.
Taylor Gang made me a king.
She gave me paradise.
I don’t want to be a king.
“Solo quiero sentir el Calor de paraíso.”
“I do what I do because of you, Calor.”
So if she wants me to do anything for her then all I ask is for her is to show me she wants me more than herself.
Everyone I grew up with was selfish. I don’t want that in my wife.
I only want a wife that treats me exactly how I treat her.
And I’ve never wanted to be “me” until I met her.
So I want her way more than I want myself.
I’m not “suicidal.”
I am a human.
I deserve to have everything I want according to me.
According to other pretty girls, I deserve the world.
I like that. I do.
I grew up with parents who only gave me what they wanted. Not what I wanted.
I hate that. Despise selfish people.
I keep that to myself though.
She’d feel bad if I told her that.
“I’ll give you anything you want under one condition. ‘I want you to want me.’ (Damhnait Doyle.)”
Now my love for her is unconditional.
It has been since day one.
She was as hot as hell when I met her, but I wanted a home so bad.
She was and is the only luminescent, heavenly flower in the dark forest that I’ve lived in my whole life.
So I let her burn me since day one.
I’ve been hurt since day one.
“That’s just the kind of guy that you are.” – Jhene Aiko
I apologize for making you feel that way. I love myself when you do not. All I want is you now. Always. The reason I love the dog life is because if Chief wasn’t a dog, he would’ve never met Nutmeg.
“Dog? Wtf is that? I’m your baby’s dad now. I don’t want to be a dog anymore. I love being a husband instead. I love the dog life. It’s how I met you. Something good came from it. But being a dog is no good. You’re good. Scrumptious. (Kiera, she is “Rieka” to me. Pronounced in Spanish of course. No thanks needed. It’s a good chuckle.) I understand that Nutmeg is the relationship every dog wants. And me being Chief, I never wanted you, Atari, to clean me. But same here, in the end you won. You domesticated me. You got everything you wanted from me. You, my Nutmeg, saw that I was born with the spirit of a wolf. That was pretty sexy compared to me just being another dog like every other dog. I never revealed that I was born and still am a wolf. No one’s wolf. Savagewolf. Dog is a lie. I am your fantasy. I was recently convinced by the movie that you are not solely my Nutmeg and I your Chief. Nutmeg saw him as the ‘pick of the litter’ she could’ve gone for Spots, same canine. Spots is probably as sexy as Chief is, but not to Nutmeg. Every other dog was not her Savagewolf. Only Chief was. Yet your cheeky self decided to play with me even though I wasn’t your pet, Atari. To manipulate me regardless of my desires. I loved the stray life, never wanted to be a pet. Never was. I tried it once like Chief did, but that didn’t end well. It was only a few days. Decided that life was sad as a pet. Never tried again. You, Atari, showed me I just had the wrong owner. Only you did what Atari did for Chief to me. That’s because I couldn’t say no to you. Why? Ask Chief. Ask me? I wanted Nutmeg. Chief was alone until she caught his eye. But I love how you cleaned me up for yourself to enjoy having a wolf pet. You never have preferred seeing as rough as when you found me. *I laugh and smile the way only she knows* this smile? You sneaked it on my face. I was fine living the life I had. It worked. Never wanted to smile. You made me your stray. But that means I’m not a stray anymore. Yet, you’d always kick me out knowing I could handle the cold world. So you didn’t care to be mad at me. You’d see me wandering through the glass windows. It’d make you chuckle if I was miserably missing you. Wandering around the house. You showed me how peachy a pet life is under your care. You kicked me out often. I’m a wolf. You treated me like a dog. All that kicking me out, other owners tried to own me. I pretty much had to become a stray again. You took my home, Kobayashi. Made it your own home. Yours only. My food? With no dog around, might as well give my food to other strays. Why not? No one is eating it. You didn’t want to eat it yourself, either. They’d enjoy all of you when I wasn’t around. I never wanted the house. You are my home. I want you. I found it hard to live with a tyrant.”
“So if there was ever a bad ’cause and effect’ due to how much pain you put me through, I apologize. I’m not Damhnait Doyle. I’m forever Sway. Your Sway. I’m your ‘peoples.’ Regardless whether you want me or not, ‘I want you, Calor.’ And if you want me, it’d be a lot cooler than being on fire all the time.”
“Mi amor, Calor.” – 4eversway3
I’m tired of mayor Kobayashi. I want my Nutmeg. And if she is going to be my Atari, “don’t resemble mayor Kobayashi because even Atari himself hated and despised all of the mayor. Stop being both. It’s very hard to convince myself that you’re Atari when acting like the mayor.”
I hate people like the mayor. People who get rid of problems regardless of the effect on others. To make it worse, they dump it. They don’t even care to fix Trash Island.
“You’re trash, so get dumped.”
They’re dogs not trash. So treat them like dogs, not trash.
My parents chose to let me rot, rather than fixing Trash Island for me. I couldn’t even shower. So I went from a wolf, to something very dark and unrecognizable. When she washed my fur something proper, she got a glimpse of how I was born. Not how I was made. I think she knew what I was along. She never called me her wolf though. “Dog?” plenty.
But hey, the movie wouldn’t have been “Isle of Dogs” without mayor Kobayashi.
Isle of dogs is way better than “Life of Pi.”
In all honesty, So if Calor was a movie, she’d be my favorite.
She’s no tv show. No story. No movie to me.
She is my life.
The only people who are in my life now, are those who “make it pretty” – Clairo.
It seems like every time I try to enjoy the childhood I never have, life reminds me that I was born a man.
I lust being a child. I lust playing games.
But I love being a man. I love being serious.
I don’t even want to be a child anymore.
I hate playing games.
I always lose.
Only men win.
I apologize, but I’m never playing games again.
Well, maybe GTA with my wife but that’s the only game I’ll play.
No more gamesBanana, if you want to stay, “make it look pretty.” -Clairo.
You’ll live without me.
Unless I’m essential in your life, I’m going to “make like a Banana, and split.”