I honestly don’t know what depression is. To me, it’s profound sadness. I doubt I’m correct. So, my forewarning is that you may not agree with me at all on this.
This isn’t about being correct. It’s about me, Sway. I plan on never revealing who I am. If you happen to know me, then kudos to you. Personally, I don’t tell anyone except for those whom I trust. So I ask for you to attempt to be a therapist. And those who know me, please don’t mind me.
I can’t feel happiness. Yes, few people and things make me happy. Nonetheless, I don’t feel happiness. I just feel happy. I know the feeling, I’m just never in that state of mind anymore.
To obtain happiness, I’d need a person who makes me smile genuinely more than once. Everyday in fact. I’ve felt that before. Soon after, I was hurt by that same person. Hence, proving to me that, “whom makes you the happiest can make you the saddest” may be cliche, but I’ve been afflicted by it. So I’ve been asked “is there anything that would perchance make you happy?” I’d say “yes,” but that’d be too selfish on my part. So I keep my chatterbox shut and I deal with my gloomy state of mind as the days pass.
It’s nothing challenging, really. It’d be appropriate to say that it comes naturally. My problem is my point of view. My view is that mostly everyone can enjoy the day. They enjoy it as best as possible when, and if, they can. See, but at the end of the day, the darkness engulfs your day. Regarldless of what people may say, I rationalize that the ones who enjoyed the day, are now all alone inside their brain at night. So no matter how joyful your day may be, in the end, we only have ourselves as company. I’ve heard that various times. I know it to be true.
That’s not the end. There’s always the company of a loved one. Whether it’s on the phone, snuggling up or anomalously dreaming together.
There’s still hope.
There always is.
“Howlin for you” is exactly what I’m doing. It’s in my top 10 songs by The Black Keys.